i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
