Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Just pee around me
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
