i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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