You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I think my nap took me to another dimension
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
