I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
