I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
