My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
