So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
