I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
