i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
