yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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