That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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