Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
