her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
