i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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