Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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