Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
