yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Pooping to opera.
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