next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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