your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Randomize
