The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm at about main and main street
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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