he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
