Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
