i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
