Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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