Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
