I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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