I wish I could teleport
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
