Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
