How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
