my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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