Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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