Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
