The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
