Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
