I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
