next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
