Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
