i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
