I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
