woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
