They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
