I think I am morally bankrupt
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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