I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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