My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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