i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize