how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
