my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
