i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
