Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
