I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
