I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
