Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Randomize
