you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize