i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
