Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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im six kinds of drunk right now
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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