You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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