so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
