no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Let's paint friendship bongs
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
