I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
