Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Help. Why am I so naked?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
