Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
