Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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