Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You're so nebulous sometimes
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Randomize