If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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