walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
