We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
