you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize