May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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